Who am I? Self-discovery means recognizing your true self.
9 min reading time | published on: 20.08.2024
From an early age, we develop ideas and perceptions of who we are. We hear it from our parents and other authorities and identify ourselves with certain characteristics that come through us, with our dislikes and likes, with our name and our body. This gives us an invisible power in which we feel significant and safe from all of life’s impassibilities: This is me! We act in the way we are used to and the people around us react to us in an equally familiar way. If someone close to us suddenly stops behaving in the way we are used to, we are irritated, annoyed or frightened. What if one day we ourselves no longer feel so secure in who we thought we were?
Perhaps we have lost what previously gave us a sense of purpose, our wishes and ideas about life have not been fulfilled or life has intersected our plans and we are left empty-handed. This can trigger deep feelings of sadness and despair, or even resignation and depression, and for the first time we question our previous world view in depth. However, we may also have been aware of a latent feeling of insecurity or dissatisfaction throughout our lives and realize that we are on a quest: We long to finally arrive at ourselves and be the person we really are. We long for inner peace. Perhaps for the first time, we realize the narrowness that comes with identifying as a certain “someone” and are curious about what lies beyond. Whatever has caused us to question ourselves, we have reached an essential turning point that has led us away from external considerations and towards an inner contemplation: Who am I really?
Self-images distort the view of the self
Identifying with our ideas of who and how we are is called self-image. They are based on beliefs, some of which are hidden deep in our unconscious, that were formed in response to certain experiences in our childhood. We actively contribute to maintaining and strengthening our self-images by repeatedly communicating these ideas about ourselves and confirming them through our behavior. In this way, we almost permanently hinder the unbiased, fresh experience of this moment. The realization that we are not who we thought we were can be painful and profoundly upsetting. At the same time, it is an opportunity that can mark the beginning of a unique adventure into the depths of our soul. In her book Schritte ins erwachsene Menschsein – Die Integration des inneren Kindes, psychologist Ulrike Porep offers a comprehensive insight into the workings and possibilities of exploring the childish structures that distort our view of our true self. When we begin to see more and more of these childlike beliefs within us and give them permission to be integrated into our consciousness, we grow and have the opportunity to make truly adult decisions. Thus we follow our heart’s desire instead of a mechanical behavior shaped by old hurts and childish self-will.
The elimination of the separation of unwanted parts is called integration. So when a person speaks of an integral view, they mean a holistic view that includes all parts, whether conscious or unconscious.
The difference between a true core and a false personality
The question “Who am I?” is a question about our true core, with which we were born into this world and which, in the best case, is allowed to unfold in the course of our lives. On the other hand, there are our ideas about who I am and rigid self-images that give rise to a false personality. The Duden dictionary cites the Latin word persona as the origin of the word person (root of personality), which is translated into German as Maske or Rolle. In his book Intelligence of Awakening – The Spiritual Rebirth of Man, the wisdom teacher OM C. Parkin defines personality as a “mask of God”, “a natural, human manifestation of the Source itself” and thus provides a first indication of our true self, i.e. what is hidden behind our self-images: a facet of the Source, the One. But what is this One? In the philosophy of advaita vedanta, everything is inseparably connected and therefore one and not two (the term advaita comes from the ancient Indian language Sanskrit and means non-two; representatives of this philosophical current include OM C. Parkin, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sri Poonja (Papaji) and Gangaji). However, if everything is inseparably one, then the idea of being a separate being, which we constantly fuel by repressing unwanted parts into the unconscious or by strengthening our self-images, must inevitably be an illusion.
The personality forms itself as a natural, human manifestation of the source itself, while the thinking mind forms itself from the spiritual archives left behind in the history of time. (OM C. Parkin)
If we feel carefully inside ourselves, we can perceive this pain of separation in our disappointment with ourselves and in our despair about the meaning of our existence. So if you want to find out who you really are, you have to get to the bottom of the illusion of your false personality. And the first step is to recognize the source of the illusion. OM C. Parkin refers to this as the thinking mind and defines it as a “multitude of other masks that overlay and conceal the natural mask, the natural face.” One can also use the term non-self for this. The thinking mind is the place where we gather our self-images and where our view of reality, of the One and thus of ourselves, is manipulated. The different strategies of the thinking mind to create and maintain the illusion can be illustrated in the spiritual model of the enneagram (see also the detailed article). If we embark on a path of exploring the illusion, we penetrate deeper and deeper to what lies behind the illusion and thus to our true personality.
Nan Yar? – Who am I?
from Sri Ramana Maharshi
This work is one of the only two prose pieces among Ramana Maharshi’s messages in his own words. They clearly represent the central teaching that self-enquiry is the direct path to liberation. The particular way in which inquiry should be conducted is clearly explained in “Nan Yar?
Self-exploration leads to self-knowledge
To distinguish the true core within us from the illusion, we can apply the practice of self-exploration. It is a process of deep self-reflection that requires a high degree of self-honesty and continuity and at the same time is very simple and can be applied by anyone at any time. We do not need any previous knowledge or special inner experiences: Self-exploration unfolds insight from the place where we are internally.
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In this way, it becomes an ingenious instrument on the path to ourselves. It guides us through our conscious and unconscious patterns of thought and behaviour, self-images and beliefs until we can recognize what lies behind them: We see ourselves. This is a moment of self-awareness. Through self-knowledge we are freed from the veil of illusion and can realize the true self.
If you are interested in the topic of self-realization: Self-realization – What do I really want?
There are various forms of self-exploration. For example, as researchers, we can deal with burning questions that relate to behavioral patterns or reactions that we repeatedly encounter in our everyday lives and that we notice are limiting us and causing us inner suffering. These could be What am I fighting against? Or: What do I want to avoid? In the video series Essences of Inner Practice Vol. 5, OM C. Parkin provides a comprehensive and in-depth answer to the question of what self-exploration is and also differentiates between minor and major self-exploration: while minor self-exploration sheds light on the non-self and deals with what stands in the way of self-knowledge, major self-exploration poses the direct question: Who am I? It was taught by the most famous Indian wisdom teacher of the 20th century, Sri Ramana Maharshi: in this form, the thinking mind is confronted with the recurring question “Who am I?”. This deeply questions what we have previously thought of as “I”, i.e. our self-images are exposed and what lies behind them can be revealed. This method therefore does not stop at a certain point in order to address specific issues, but leads deeper and deeper behind the illusion of ourselves, into our true self. What is then revealed is an open secret and can only be experienced through our own experience. The simplicity and brilliance of this method is astounding. The book Nan Yar? Who am I? Who am I? contains the essence of Sri Ramana Maharshi’s teachings.
Admitting that we obviously do not know who we are requires humility. This is a basic prerequisite for self-exploration.
Nan Yar? – Who am I?
from Sri Ramana Maharshi
This work is one of the only two prose pieces among Ramana Maharshi’s messages in his own words. They clearly represent the central teaching that self-enquiry is the direct path to liberation. The particular way in which inquiry should be conducted is clearly explained in “Nan Yar?
The path to the true core
If we ask ourselves who we are, the first step can be to acknowledge that we obviously don’t know. This admission requires humility, may be uncomfortable and accompanied by inner turmoil. But it may also be a relief and open up a previously unknown inner feeling. Admitting that we don’t know, being willing to have a new experience and having a friendly attitude towards ourselves are basic requirements for self-exploration and the resulting self-knowledge. On the way to the true self, we traverse a wide variety of inner landscapes. Sometimes self-exploration is easy for us and we flow towards liberation in a process of insight, sometimes we are faced with a seemingly huge mountain of unconscious parts and don’t even know where to start. Perhaps we are held back by a fear or we simply don’t want to let go of what we have striven for for so long in our lives. However, once the question of our true self has reached us, it will accompany us throughout our lives; Sometimes it is urgent, so that we are ready to face the inner work that is necessary to answer the question “Who am I?” Then it whispers in the background of our daily lives, so that it is a constant companion and always leads us back to the essentials. And no matter whether it is a goal-oriented gallop or a slow meander: walking the inner path means getting closer to the true core and starting to walk where I am.
Video: Darshan with OM C. Parkin – Approaching the question: Who am I?
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Literature/media mentioned in the text:
Further literature recommendations on the topic:
OM C. Parkin: Eye to eye with yourself
Gangaji: Freedom and determination – The fine line of devotion
Daniela Jodorf: Saraswati – Der Fluss des Lebens
Saritha M. Wimmer: Überfließende Schlichtheit. Vom Tropfen zur Quelle
OM C. Parkin: Intelligenz des Erwachens – Die spirituelle Neugeburt des Menschen, Kap. 1 Ein Geist – Dialog, S. 70, 3. Auflage, 2019, advaitaMedia.