Finding inner peace
4 min reading time | published on: 18.08.2024
Especially in today’s fast-paced world, many people ask themselves how they can find inner peace. The pressure of deadlines and things to do seem overwhelming and unavoidable; the time for reflection or the feeling of inner peace seems far away, even unattainable. But is this feeling really an inevitable phenomenon of our time? Are we really so at the mercy of external circumstances that we must feel like victims? It seems as if we have lost touch with our inner peace. We would like to explore how this impression came about and what can help us to find this peace within ourselves again.
Why are we not at peace with ourselves?
If we are not at peace with ourselves, that necessarily indicates that there is a split within us, something is not congruent. Expectations and needs obviously play a major role here. If our expectations of ourselves or others are so high that they remain unfulfilled, our inner balance is thrown off. We feel inner conflict, see opposites that cannot be reconciled, and our peace of mind disappears. Ideal images also play a major role here, and with them comparisons themselves. If we constantly compare ourselves with an ideal image of ourselves or with others and do not come off well in this comparison, we are by no means in inner harmony and want to be different than we are; our inner critic is constantly making unfavorable comments and preventing us from being in harmony with ourselves.
Inner unrest due to conditions
The same applies to personal needs. If we have a strong need for security and know exactly what will bring us security, then we are very dependent on these conditions being met. If this is not the case, we experience inner turmoil, perhaps anger – in any case, fear reigns within us. We then often turn our attention outwards, perhaps demanding that our partner’s behavior convey to us the security that we cannot find within ourselves. All of this creates more discord than a feeling of inner peace. Here, too, a form of inner movement becomes clear – from our center, into an inner imbalance.
If we have such high expectations of ourselves or others that they remain unfulfilled, our inner balance becomes unbalanced.
Holding on to injuries
A major reason for the loss of our inner harmony is holding on to old injuries or traumas. We often live in a victim perspective, combined with accusations and blame against a “perpetrator” from the past. We are able to hold on for a very long time, sometimes our whole lives, to the idea that we have been hurt, have a right to blame, and need safe spaces to protect and heal our wounds. If we look at it closely, this perspective of holding on leads neither to a real healing process nor to a state of peace of mind or even true happiness.
Exhaustion through control
Once we have reached an inner imbalance, the question of how we can find our way back becomes important. Often we first try to increase our control. We try even more determinedly to conform to our ideal image, demand even more emphatically that our partner gives us security; our external orientation increases. But at some point we come to the painful realization that these strategies do not help us to experience inner peace at all – quite the opposite. We exhaust ourselves in the exercise of control mechanisms that place increasing stress on our entire system and are very energy-sapping.
Finding your way from inner imbalance to the center
This painful insight represents a turning point: we can admit to ourselves that we are suffering and do not know how to end the suffering. Everything we know has not worked – but what now? This admission is the first important step. It requires the willingness to let go of our previous strategies, to which we have clung so desperately. This is usually accompanied by fear, because control had exactly this goal: to avoid fear and to live fearlessly in our inner peace. This is where the realization matures that an inner examination and reflection is needed. We begin to explore the inner connections of the experienced imbalance, expectations, needs and their effects.
The realization that we are suffering and do not know how to stop it is the first important step. This requires the willingness to let go of the old strategies that we have clung to so desperately.
Finding ourselves through true contemplation
This contemplation and exploration are only possible when we learn to turn to ourselves with interest and ignorance. This requires courage and self-honesty, because here we leave familiar territory and encounter unpleasant truths within ourselves. For example, it is painful to realize that our personal need for security has led us to set harsh conditions outside and demand fulfillment – instead of dealing with our own fears. In this initial confrontation with ourselves, the question may arise: What am I really suffering from? Many great teachers of wisdom have already dealt with this question.
What am I really suffering from?
The great Indian Advaita teachers Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj says in his book ‘I AM’: “It is always the wrong that makes you suffer; wrong desires and fears, wrong values and ideas, wrong relationships between people. Leave the wrong and you will be free from pain. The truth sets you free – the truth liberates.” – But what is meant by ‘wrong’ here? OM C. Parkin explains this in his textbook Intelligence of Awakening as follows: “But the pure teaching, as expressed through Advaita, does not know ‘wrong’ in the sense of morally wrong. The pure teaching is the mystical core of religions, their essence, where every form of moral concept is left on the surface. In the wisdom teachings, wrong always means inauthentic, non-existent. And the entire world is wrong. It is the mind that creates it.”
Have you already seen our article on the subject of Advaita?
This means that in order to find myself and experience inner peace, I have to recognize what is wrong and get rid of it. This exploration is an essential part of an inner path. This is where the references shift. While initially we were primarily concerned with fulfilling our personal expectations and setting up rules in order to gain inner peace from them, the search for truth now becomes the highest reference.
Tell yourself the truth
Maybe we have been so committed to our work for years that we found great fulfillment in it. The recognition we received simply felt good, we were at peace with ourselves and the world. But somehow, gradually, we became more and more committed, ignored small physical symptoms – and at some point, unconsciously became prisoners of our own need for meaning. Our inner balance became increasingly unbalanced, and mental health was no longer the focus. For a certain time, this can be ignored and compensated for. But if we tell ourselves the truth, then we have to admit: our commitment may not have been as selfless as we sold it to ourselves. This is when a house of cards collapses and we find ourselves in a crisis of meaning. Who am I without work? This phase certainly does not feel peaceful and balanced at all. In order to gain access to deeper layers of inner peace – closer to ourselves, closer to the truth, healthier for our bodies, more beneficial to our mental health – we need to be willing to live through such crisis situations.
Recognize peace of mind and find inner peace
It becomes clear here that inner peace is always related to our own development of consciousness. We shed our skin like a snake and leave behind skins that turn out to be false, untrue and unhealthy in self-exploration. This can be very painful. This requires great seriousness and the willingness to examine our own truths and let go of expectations of ourselves. In this way, the experience of being at peace within oneself deepens. Peace of mind is therefore not stable over long periods of time and the shocks can actually serve to deepen it. In his book Ever Present Peace, Arnaud Desjardin points out that this quality of being at peace within oneself, of inner peace, can be everlasting, beyond all conditions and lasting.